haze hazier haziest

got out of the toom, balcony but there was no more. strectvhed ahead an elevated water level. this is my parents countryt house. irecognise the location. i look at 2 o clock, where the seaview is, where we have witnessed endless sunsets, all this is inherent truth as i walk out, all this is information i carry wirh me.an elevated sea level, this is clearly the work of climatic change, or a cataclysmic sotmrm now two images compete for my attention, i konw walklook ahread at 12 o clock, the ater is way inside the house, there is no ugly iunfinished house site accross the dirt road. no more, illegally builtillegally licensed house with loads and loads of grape vines waiting to inhabit the walle stretch. this will nbe overlooking would be overlooking the same viesw of the sea as fro m our house, but i stop know as this inhernet truth no more it s only fresh interpreation as i recount no more little house at 11 o clock either at the hill across where m recently decesaed from macancer and c the civinl engineer husband of hers who always luahged at her expense, this house no morethis hfamily no more,mno more t the son, the gay chef either or d whose whereaboutsi m not ware all this is inherrnt truth as i look and these two images compete and the water level way inside the house now, paradoxiaxally there no elextricity wires ewither the eucalyptus by the doorgate is still there, looking around i cannt believe what am seeing, like what am seening, is beautiful. no embarassment frot the place. there is clearly more people inside the house, but no familiatr faces. its beautiful, and so is the secong image, omcing from exacly whee it should ne comeing a violet sunset, spilled over the sea, it s dsea no more, its a lake, no water taxis, no parking lotsall coversed in water...al thiese people gone...where are they? there is comfort but there is a threat. isolationg.not a problem. there is supplies for ever? water level will rise more, its clearlyt a threat. ireturn in the house, am about to discover who is in there, i felt the presence of somebofy but as i was coming out i didnt know who it was aiam in bed,in my parent s bedroom, but it s not located in the smae geography of the house, is somewhate more in the middle..there is a huge bed, there is two girls, women, completely naked, i lie among themnaked too, iwas naked all thsi timemust have benn we touch each toehr, casually, we dont make love..nnoneed for that..one of the m has a fir skin, long hair, short in the foehad, she has nose and clit pierced, we touch we are very comfortable...there is more people in the house, we talk, i am euphoric from what i have seen, but o idont talk about this, they caress eachother, i get up, i must meet the other people. there are urgent matters to e b addresssed. but no anxietty...itsno akward leaving the houserrom imean... we need to build a glass dome, we are in a round room.library, it remings me of london library. it s aboutr four or them. they have aridiculous idea on how to build a dome, i disagree and i ma vocal about it, i m nor going to let it go, i point them to the direction of the library, i know my methodology, i illustrate the fallcies of their logique they dont like it, i am outnumbered but i nknow i am right, they yield...we only need the dome, we remain there protected, isolated from the world, we will be safe , wie will underwater...the people now are more fmailirear my father shoesws up there somehow

exercises

- so, you are saying i am not playing right

- i didn't say anything

- yes, but you have implied it

- i find this arguable. have i asked you to participate in anything?

- well, directly i have to admit that you haven't

- we never agreed to play no game, neither the one, you seem to be having in your mind or any other game for that matter

- we play games, anyhow, all the time

- yes, maybe, involuntarily but you speak of roles

- if we play games, there must be roles

- but then we must know, the point of the game.

- what's the point of the game, no really ?

- stop playing around

- you see!

*

- take my hand, i feel like dancing tonight

- this sounds like a line from a film

- ok! let me think...the toaster is off, your mother dropped by this morning, they can't keep the dog for Christmas after all, i like this song, take my hand, dance with me a bit, i m so tired, but i feel like dancing tonight

(dancing now)

- mmm, you never made this movement before

- oh well i feel inspired

- do you think our bodies know grammar too?

- how do you mean ?

- i mean do you think our hands converse in space, similarly to words?... do you think that by touching you like that

(touching softly in the elbow)

i have excluded a multitude of other possibilities of touching you

- it seems so...nevertheless you have chosen to touch me exactly like that, and no other way

- and what does this now, say about me ?

- mmmm, you 've never said something like this before

*

- we are going to be late

- what time it is ?

- it is 8.38

- when does it start ?

- 9.30

- we 'll be fine

- please hurry up, we got to pick stella up with the car, i hate it when we get there late, what are you doing anyway?

-nothing...coming, right away...

arecibo

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the twin navaho gods meet the spider woman

put your feet down with pollen
put your hands down with pollen
put your head down with pollen
then your feet are pollen
your hands are pollen
your body is pollen
your mind is pollen
your voice is pollen
the trail is beautiful
be still

way after this summer

and yes i have dropped down many times
but then i got up again
and oh yes, you are my sister because i am your brother
and yes, yes, yes the affirmative
and i am the carrier of your touch
and i am the memory of your sweet kiss
and by my shadow i lie under the thin duvet
getting my grammar right this time

"Εγώ δεν είμαι μόνο αυτός που βλέπεις, αυτός που ξέρεις
δεν είμαι μόνο αυτός που θα πρεπε να μάθεις.
Κάθε επιφάνεια της σάρκας μου κάπου τη χρωστάω
αν σε αγγίξω με την άκρη του δαχτύλου μου
σε αγγίζουν εκατομμύρια άνθρωποι,
αν σου μιλήσει μια λέξη μου
σου μιλάνε εκατομμύρια άνθρωποι -
Θα αναγνωρίσεις τα άλλα κορμιά που πλάθουν το δικό μου;
Θα βρείς τις πατημασιές μου μες σε μυριάδες χνάρια;
Θα ξεχωρίσεις την κίνησή μου μες τη ροή του πλήθους;
Είμαι κι ό,τι έχω υπάρξει και πια δεν είμαι -
τα πεθαμένα μου κύτταρα, οι πεθαμένες
πράξεις, οι πεθαμένες σκέψεις
γυρνάν τα βράδια να ξεδιψάσουν στο αίμα μου.
Είμαι ο,τι δεν έχω γίνει ακόμα -
μέσα μου σφυροκοπάει η σκαλωσιά του μέλλοντος.
Είμαι ό,τι πρέπει να γίνω-
γύρω μου οι φίλοι απαιτούν οι εχθροί απαγορεύουν.
Μη με γυρέψεις αλλού
μονάχα εδώ να με γυρέψεις
μόνο σε μένα"

Συναισθηματική Διαταραχή

to steal_to be given_to take (a midnight summer's dream act V)

is jason theseus? is hippolyta medea? is telegonos hippolytos ? is hercules theseus ? is theseus minos? is hippolyta antiope ? is phaedra penelope ? is phaedra creusa? is ariadne hippolyta? is jason ulysses? is the girdle the minotaur? and what about penthesilla? and what about pirithous?

semi breve...

a temporary stop/a break in a verse/a brief suspension of the voice to indicate the limits and relations of sentences and their parts/temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty, hesitation/ the sign denoting a fermata/a mark (as a period or comma) used in writing or printing to indicate or correspond to a pause of voice/ a reason or cause for pausing (as to reconsider)/a function of an electronic device that pauses a recording

two words on ...journey

EARLY NOTIONS OF ACQUIRED RIGHTS AND THE INFLUENCE OF COLLECTIVE TRADITION UPON THE INDIVIDUAL. 1One must sell it to some one, the sacred name of love. 2Making it up as we goes along. 3The law of the jungerl. 4Let me blush to think of all those halfwayhoist pullovers. 5I'd like his pink's cheek. 6Frech devil in red hairing! So that's why you ran away to sea, Mrs Lappy. Leap me, Locklaun, for you have sensed! 7A washable lovable floatable doll. knowledge that often hate on first hearing comes of love by second sight.

CHAPTER 5_IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING

key word

gayla bentley/ us debt clock/charlie davies/carla hughes verdict/dennis earl bradford/intc/chill soda/silicon forest/olympia snowe/demeyere cookware/ford recall/bay area earthquake/rick rubin/halo cloud/shibani joshi/nate dogg/ashley j. roberta/cwa district 6/uss new york/charlie davies car accident

sacrifice_

ιχνηλάτες των συμβόλων

at war with words and mazes

Απ' όταν ο Θησέας σκότωσε τον Μινώταυρο
ο λαβύρινθος εγκαταλείφθηκε, απολύθηκαν οι φύλακες
με τον καιρό γκρεμίστηκε η οροφή του
βγήκαν στο φως οι τρομεροί διάδρομοι
οι αίθουσες για τα βασανιστήρια, την ανθρωποφαγία
οι στοές με τις κρυμμένες εφευρέσεις
τους καταχωνιασμένους θησαυρούς
πέσανε οι τοίχοι, μείναν μόνο τα χνάρια
από περίπλοκα χαράγματα πάνω στη γη.
Όμως προσομοιώσεις λαβυρίνθων, σκοτεινές κατασκευές
δεν έπαψαν να χτίζονται με νέα υλικά
με καινούργια τέρατα, θύματα, ήρωες, ηγεμόνες,
φτιάχνονται προπαντός λαβύρινθοι με λέξεις
κάθε χρονιά μπαίνουν μέσα τους νέες φουρνιές
αγόρια και κορίτσια, με φόβο μαζί και αψηφισιά
για τις παγίδες, τις καταπακτές, τ' αδιέξοδα
φιλοδοξώντας να ξαναπλάσουν και να παίξουν
το παλιό δράμα προσαρμοσμένο στα νέα δεδομένα
δίνοντας στους κύριους ρόλους τα ίδια ονόματα
Μίνωας, Πασιφάη, Μινώταυρος, Αριάδνη,
Δαίδαλος, Ίκαρος, Θησέας.

faux pas

1. Gerda: So you believe that all belief is the product of custom and circumstance (or: childhood buffets, class struggle...). Isn't that position self-limiting? Mustn't you see yourself as reflecting only a single complex of circumstances?
Grobian: Your objection is inapplicable, for it is merely the product of blind forces. Moreover, your childhood buffets were pernicious and regrettable, for they have set you against this truth.


2. Gerda: So you believe that all knowledge comes from God in proportion to our virtue or worth, and that all ignorance, error, and uncertainty come from the Devil in proportion to our vices. May I ask what evidence you have for this remarkable thesis?
Grobian: I pity you infinitely for your sins.


3. Gerda: Doctor Grobian, I am not crazy! I stole the bread because my children were hungry.
Why do you assume that every crime is caused by illness?
Grobian: Why do you deny it?
Gerda: I am not playing a game. I really want an answer to my question.
Grobian: Obviously your ego cannot cope with the truth and you display this inadequacy in hostility to your doctor. I will not recommend your release.


4. Gerda: So you believe x, y, and z. But you are mistaken. Consider evidence a, b, and c. What do you say?
Grobian: It's a mystery. If I could understand it, I wouldn't believe it. I can't help it if it's the truth. One day perhaps you'll see the light too.
(http://www.earlham.edu/~peters/writing/rudeness.htm)

A. P. Møller_on learning

boiling paradigms/ a portal

additive
cumulative
counter-cumulative

heartbeat 9/8

ο ρυθμός (από το ρήμα ρέω) στη μουσική ταυτίζεται με την οργάνωση του χρόνου/η οργάνωση αυτή βρίσκεται σε απόλυτη εξάρτηση με τους τονισμούς και τη διάρκεια των ήχων /η αίσθηση του ρυθμού δημιουργείται/ α) από τη διαδοχή σε ίσα χρονικά διαστήματα τονισμένων και ατόνιστων ήχων, ίδιας μεταξύ τους διάρκειας / β) μια κανονική διαδοχή ήχων διαφορετικής διάρκειας που παρουσιάζονται σε μια προαποφασισμένη σειρά που επαναλαμβάνεται

μέτρο είναι ένα μέσο απεικόνισης, ένα πλαίσιο μέσα στο οποίο καταγράφονται οι τονισμοί και οι αξιές των φθόγγων (ή των παύσεων αν χρείαστει) κατά τρόπο που η πραγματική τους διάρκεια μπορεί να μετρηθεί με ακρίβεια/ για να είναι είναι δυνατό αυτό το μέτρημα πρέπει να υπάρξει μια απόλυτα ισόποση διαίρεση του χρόνου. αυτό γίνεται με μια υποθετική ροή ισόχρονων κτύπων, που ονομάζονται παλμοί /για να υπάρξει καλύτερη αντίληψη των παλμών του ρυθμού, γίνεται ομαδοποίηση τους σε μικρές ισόποσες ομάδες που ονομάζονται μέτρα / χχ /χχ/ χχ/ χχ (διμερές μέτρο)/ χχχ / χχχ /χχχ /χχχ (τριμερές μέτρο)

when the tracer met Radical Alterity

and took him out for dinner

what/we/will do/with/the/deadweight ?

αγάπη μου
άκου με, που λέω αγάπη μου
ακού τα άλφα να μπουκώνουν το στόμα μου
να ξεχειλώνουν τα χείλη μου όπως το σκάνε

περπατούσαμε χρόνια στο
πηκτό σκοτάδι,
χέρι χέρι
πιασμένοι
πως να μην παλέψουμε
πως να μην ματώσουμε
πως να μην
πεθανουμε

τόσα πρόσωπα, νεκρά, ξεψυχισμένα
και μόνο ένα όνομα ;

at war with walls and mazes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yapMvWKJ0jM

monomyth

in the absence of an effective general myhtology, each of us has his private,unrecognised, rudimentary, yet secretly potent pantheon of dream. the lastest incarnation of Oedipus, the continued romance of Beauty and the Beast, stand this afternoon on the corner of Forty-second Street and fifth Avenue, waiting for the traffic light to change.[...] the doctor (psychoanalyst) is the modern master of the mythological realm, the knower of all the secret ways and words of potency. His role is precisely that of the Wise Old Man of the myths and fairytales whose words assist the hero through the trials and terrors of the weird adventure. He is the one who appears and points to the magic shining sword that will kill the dragon-terror, tells of the waiting bride (apply genders adlib) and the castle of many treasures, applies healing balm to the almost fatal wounds, and finally dismisses the conqueror back into the world of normal life, following the great adventure into the enchanted night.[...]we remain  fixated to the unexercised images of our infancy, and hence disinclined to the necessary passages of our adulthood (see rites of passage)[...]lest our energies should remain locked in a banal, long-outmoded toy-room, at the bottom of the sea

If our language provides the symbols to unlock our true desires, our dreams have to provide the symbols for our timeless journey. may the intitiation begin...

powerless_powerful/

i braise ?

CHAPTER4_BURNING QUESTIONS

(what is a burning question ?)

trans It

i stole the idea from tim allen

iii am tense
i sit in the sofa
i sometimes lie
iiii watched the red convertible ferrari enter the hilton
i didn't anticipate that
i despise the i's
iiii have now slept with my father
ii felt the heat of my revenge in her eyes as we were sweating in her new ikea bed that we assembled together
iii am and can be funny
i just called her my father
i eyed the lingering of the pine
iii haven't been to the army
iii was born to working class parents
iiiii made this specific demographic
i love avocado
i have spoken the unspeakable
iii constantly am looking for context
iiii randomly censor my i
i though never my eye
iii have also slept with my mother
ii caressed her long black hair
ii choose my words
i and time
i like and use words like sofa, irrigation, egotism, indulgence
iii like the looks of the word transit
iii project my indulgence to you
i cheated on quantitative methods
iii make references too
ii am dialectic
i find this arguable
i have also called her my mother
iii take you for granted
i am a brother to two sisters for instance
iii enjoy meeting my friends sunday daytime
i named my dog argos
iiii have now killed my mother
ii have left her one night last september to go for a drink
i am typing
i rode a certain stream of consciousness
i have left my mother for my father
iiii think that that's fair
ii must admit it's only reasonable
i'm going to anagrammatize reason able in this line son bae real
iii wished to illustrate the existence of such liberties
i like scifi films
iii walk in pitch dark
i am holding hands
iii am blinking my left eye
i skype with NYC almost every night
i play the guitar
i really planned to tackle this in single line sentences
iiii failed
i iii i i suck in grammar
i said "-i meant well "
iii have not consented to become a wedding trophy
iii don't readily claim injustice
i. ii. iii. ...
i thus killed my father too
iii am gemini
i and the symbol i
iii sometimes ponder upon the demonization of incest
i consider the conclusions of such pondering obvious
ii simply i,
iii could possibly clarify by adding that such conclusions are related to my quest for the unspeakable
i must now say someting like oups! i guess
i feel that you may don't know why
iiiii am wikipedia, and facebook and global warming
iii a certain space occupy
i and me, and you, and consistency
iiiiiii i am tb, rss, fto bmi
iiii have not coined the term "unspeakable"
i saw that cockroach too
iii am a villager of the world
i is i if and only if i is i
i. never I
i m here and now
i sometimes lie
iii some times not knowingly, lie

london, october 2000

Ξέρουμε πια όλοι μας
γιατί μειδιάζαμε στους πρώτους ενικούς

hashima_of ghosts

its 3.33 am. autoirrigation went on. again.

to see. to have seen. death to the bondage dreams.

i choose the words. i choose the dreams.

pripyat_50(000) to 0

choice has nothing to do with it. choice is luxury.

dream therefore exist. i spoke the imperative.

dream therefore escape. dream. and fail.

san zhi_futile dreams

all my silly dreams. breathless now.

mocking silouettes to be mocked again.

and again

i see them. black and white. i speak them

tribal workers/elina's tribute

Today's generation of high-earning professionals maintain that their personal fulfillment comes from their jobs and the hours they work. They should grow up says Thomas Barlow. Copyright The Financial Times Limited A friend of mine recently met a young American woman who was studying on a Rhodes Scholarship at Oxford. She already had two degrees from top US universities, had worked as a lawyer and as a social worker in the US, and somewhere along the way had acquired a black belt in kung fu. Now, however, her course at Oxford was coming to an end and she was thoroughly angst-ridden about what to do next.

Her problem was no ordinary one. She couldn't decide whether she should make a lot of money as a corporate lawyer/management consultant, devote herself to charity work helping battered wives in disadvantaged communities, or go to Hollywood to work as a stunt double in kung fu films. What most struck my friend was not the disparity of this woman's choices, but the earnestness and bad grace with which she ruminated on them. It was almost as though she begrudged her own talents, opportunities and freedom - as though the world had treated her unkindly by forcing her to make such a hard choice. Her case is symptomatic of our times. In recent years, there has grown up a culture of discontent among the highly educated young,something that seems to flare up, especially, when people reach their late 20s and early 30s. It arises not from frustration caused by lack of opportunity, as may have been true in the past, but from an excess of possibilities. Most theories of adult developmental psychology have a special category for those in their late 20s and early 30s. Whereas the early to mid-20s are seen as a time to establish one's mode of living, the late 20s to early 30s are often considered a period of reappraisal. In a society where people marry and have children young, where financial burdens accumulate early, and where job markets are inflexible, such reappraisals may not last long. But when people manage to remain free of financial or family burdens, and where the perceived opportunities for alternative careers are many,the reappraisal is likely to be angst-ridden and long lasting. Among no social group is this more true than the modern, international,professional elite: that tribe of young bankers,lawyers, consultants and managers for whom financial, familial, personal, corporate and (increasingly)national ties have become irrelevant. Often they grew up in one country, were educated in another, and are now working in a third. They are independent, well paid, and enriched by experiences that many of their parents could only dream of. Yet, by their late 20s, many carry a sense of disappointment: that for all their opportunities, freedoms and achievements, life has not delivered quite what they had hoped. At the heart of this disillusionment lies a new attitude towards work. The idea has grown up, in recent years, that work should not be just a means to an end a way to make money, support a family, or gain social prestige - but should provide a rich and fulfilling experience in and of itself. Jobs are no longer just jobs; they are lifestyle options.

web (fishnet)

sunrise #11398 (or so)

sunrise meets my eyes.
an audacity truly to call it that.
that i called it yesterday.
and the day before.
and the same goes for your skin.
"skin", from below, seen
as you walk out from the room, seen
"skin"

sometruth about thetruth

One day, while riding on a public bus, Sabzian reads a book entitled The Cyclist by film director Mohsen Makhmalbaf. The book catches the eye of Mrs. Mahrokh Ahankhah, and Sabzian, a film lover, impulsively claims that he is Makhmalbaf. He is invited into the Ahankhah household where he begins to survey the house as a potential setting for his new film. The Ahankhah family contend that Sabzian was taking an inventory of the house in preparation for a robbery. Sabzian explains that he was merely humoring the family's seeming interest in appearing in his film: a film that he, had he the financial means, would surely make. Soon, the sad, sympathetic portrait of Sabzian's life is revealed: a poor, underemployed printer's assistant, divorced by his wife, who found confidence and self-respect in impersonating the famous film director. But is his remorse genuine, or another act designed to win sympathy from the court? Is he playing a role for the benefit of Kiarostami's camera? (http://www.filmref.com/directors/dirpages/kiarostami.html)

p.50 s ernesto

ύστερα απο λίγο, έστρεψε το βλέμμα του προς τον πάγκο του μπάρ και είπε:

-Αυτή η Κυριακή ήταν τραγική. Χάσαμε σαν κρετίνοι, κέρδισε η Σαν Λορέντσο, κέρδισαν οι εκατομμυριούχοι, μέχρι και ο Τίγρης κέρδισε, θα'θελα να μου πείτε που πάμε, που θα σταματήσει αυτό;

Συνέχισε να κοιτάζει τους φίλους του, σαν να τους έβαζε για μάρτυρες, ύστερα ξαναγύρισε το βλέμμα του πρός το δρόμο και καθαρίζοντας τα δόντια, είπε:
-Αυτή η χώρα είναι μπουρδέλο.

अनेकान्तवाद

-the antinomy of the liar-

2. THE EXTENSION OF THE TERM "TRUE."
The predicate "true" is sometimes used to refer to psychological phenomena such as judgments or beliefs, sometimes to certain physical objects, namely, linguistic expressions and specifically sentences, and sometimes to certain ideal entities called "propositions." By "sentence" we understand here what is usually meant in grammar by "declarative sentence"; as regards the term "proposition," its meaning is notoriously a subject of lengthy disputations by various philosophers and logicians, and it seems never to have been made quite clear and unambiguous. For several reasons it appears most convenient to apply the term "true" to sentences, and we shall follow this course. Consequently, we must always relate the notion of truth, like that of a sentence, to a specific language; for it is obvious that the same expression which is a true sentence in one language can be false or meaningless in another...
/ ...
Since we have agreed not to employ semantically closed languages, we have to use two different languages in discussing the problem of the definition of truth and, more generally, any problems in the field of semantics. The first of these languages is the language which is "talked about" and which is the subject matter of the whole discussion; the definition of truth which we are seeking applies to the sentences of this language. The second is the language in which we "talk about" the first language, and in terms of which we wish, in particular, to construct the definition of truth for the first language. We shall refer to the first language as "the object language," and to the second as "the meta-language." It should be noticed that these terms "object-language" and "meta- language" have only a relative sense. If, for instance, we become interested in the notion of truth applying to sentences, not of our original object-language, but of its meta-language, the latter becomes automatically the object-language of our discussion; and in order to define truth for this language, we have to go to a new meta-language so to speak, to a meta-language of a higher level. In this way we arrive at a whole hierarchy of languages. (tarski, alfred) http://www.ditext.com/tarski/tarski.html

CHAPTER3_TRUTH REVISITED

+then you say

and then you say something like...i love it when you say little things obscene, when we lay in the dark, και μετά λες i wish i could talk to you to all the languages of the world i wish i could whisper to your ear to all the languages of the world και μετά λες, μου αρέσει να σου μιλάω στο αυτί, στα σκοτεινά i wish i could speak little words right through your ear to all the languages of the world i wish i could speak all the languages of the world i could then talk to you to all of them μου αρεσει να σου αρέσει and then you say you like saying things obscene when we lay in the dark i d talk to you to all the languages of the world, if only i could speak them να μου ψυθιρίζεις στο αυτί λέξεις σε όλες τις γλώσσες του κόσμου και μετά λες κάτι σαν

non words

friend you make me
wanting
to be silent
sister i cherish you for that

modifiers

kind of far from escape
function always taking sides with control
and then windows alternate
the vast (by analogy)
space

axiom/application/theory/practice

my other m

talking about actions creates the illusion of actually doing/ the dichotomy persists and it is bound to individual consciousness / the image of myself prevails over my real self/ the various images of my various roles i.e. the professional, the artist, the son, the partner, the lover are different to the actual roles/ the partner i would like to be and i could theorise for hours i should be, to the extent of preaching about it, or defending it blindly or violently arguing against anything else is actually different to my actual self and thus conflict is created/ is there a mathematical formula of the distance between perception of image of self over real self / does such distance correlates with the distance of other people in the various interactions of these roles of mine/ one or more / does awareness of the distance itself affects the distance / or some other process must begin /the most important question of all/perception of an ideal image –who would you like to be- is inevitable/does the continuous cultivation, nurturing and preservation of such image affect the actual self / can constant projection of this image eventually alter the self / or should the process be inverse

imagine now to try and tell your personal history only of actual events, your real events. without it was a time i felt i had to do this/without I was in love with S that is why i moved back to athens/ no explanations. mere facts. mere actions/ resist to all interpretations / resist to descriptions

i got up from bed, from the left side/ i walked about five steps out from the room/ turned left another three steps opened the door/ entered the toilet, (the daylight entered my eyes), i rubbed my eyes/ took the plane/landed in (rome)/ stayed in a hostel for two months/ moved to another flat/ lived with (an estonian animator) named M. and two romanian couples/ took the tram every day to go to college/met C. drank tea to the tea house off coliseum/went through trastevere on her scooter everynight except weekends/went to naples/ went to capri/ went to the office/ G. walked in the office/ he told me we would work together/ walked down north hill street/turned to plymouth ave/i went to cooperage/entered the (dungeon) gate/read the poster reading ozric tentacles/ (it was monday night)/ had e's and beer/ told A. i d'rather stay alone/ left the cooperage with A./ walked down to the sea by barbican/ i saw a sea gull eating a left over kebab/ and two guys making out/ A. pulled my arm away (as if she would like to take my attention away)/ I saw her pointing her finger to a window at a detached house overlooking the pier/she mouthed this is where i live/she asked me-why do you laugh/i heard my self replying something (i dont remember)/woke up/looked in the mirror /looked at the pier outside/(dark)/(the street was empty)/the lamp post was moving/i forced my fist to the window glass/ i saw blood coming out of index finger/i turned my head, some 30 degrees clockwise/raised my eyes/m. looking straight at my hand/m. approaching/f. breaking window left overs/put the key in ignition/ the fuel deposit feels warm in my legs/...

a history of actions

symbolo

αλυσίδα

thislittleimaginarylittleother

πάλι το ίδιο κάνεις, λες
πάλι ψάχνεις το δεύτερο επίπεδο
δεν υπάρχει δεύτερο επίπεδο
λες

α

CHAPTER2_MASTERS+SLAVES

(b). Fear
Φ 194. We have seen what bondage is only in relation to lordship. But it is a self-consciousness, and we have now to consider what it is, in this regard, in and for itself. In the first instance, the master is taken to be the essential reality for the state of bondage; hence, for it, the truth is the independent consciousness existing for itself, although this truth is not taken yet as inherent in bondage itself. Still, it does in fact contain within itself this truth of pure negativity and self-existence, because it has experienced this reality within it. For this consciousness was not in peril and fear for this element or that, nor for this or that moment of time, it was afraid for its entire being; it felt the fear of death, the sovereign master. It has been in that experience melted to its inmost soul, has trembled throughout its every fibre, and all that was fixed and steadfast has quaked within it. This complete perturbation of its entire substance, this absolute dissolution of all its stability into fluent continuity, is, however, the simple, ultimate nature of self-consciousness, absolute negativity, pure self-referrent existence, which consequently is involved in this type of consciousness. This moment of pure self-existence is moreover a fact for it; for in the master it finds this as its object. Further, this bondsman’s consciousness is not only this total dissolution in a general way; in serving and toiling the bondsman actually carries this out. By serving he cancels in every particular aspect his dependence on and attachment to natural existence, and by his work removes this existence away. (hegel, phenomenology)

sxoinaki (transcript almost)

a hundred thirteen goosebumped, gobsmacked stray dogs stroll along the marina
it s late. i can smell the salt of the sea teasing your curls
will the balloons ever fly?

a dancing spleen, a semi flirting tonic with gin
a rebel without a bra
and a star hidden in the dark
a moan echoing through the stretches of night
what does it mean ? no really
a bed in the dessert bizarrely lit
a shipwreck, a burning bridge
a wooden carriage simulating turtle motions in the reflections of sand
an old grandmothers bed, the only real bed
our bodies the way they should be
old children photos that would never be familiar enough
a stressed steering wheel
a wandering police car
viola, uri caine, juno
our own very personal culture
our own little private world
the sound of incoming sms
heart palpitations, a heart pace that goes boom boom boom
blueberry nights
a white hat with a red ribbon that i will never see at what it was destined for
a casual random bicycle ride
sweat from the armpits
we suffer of short memory and of the moon cycles
of bruised egos and of bruising egos
a very special descending tree
we suffer of learned patterns consistently wrong
of vanity
of lust
of vanity
will the balloons ever fly?

i feel_I_FEEL

stages of grief_stage X

there is no point in struggling to avoid the struggle

a game of chess

'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me. 'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. 'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? 'I never know what you are thinking. Think.' I think we are in rats' alley Where the dead men lost their bones. 'What is that noise?'
The wind under the door. 'What is that noise now? What is the wind doing?' Nothing again nothing. 'Do 'You know nothing? Do you see nothing? Do you remember 'Nothing?' I remember Those are pearls that were his eyes. Are you alive, or not? Is there nothing in your head?'

he was all about infinity_she was all about eternity

He had emptiness tattooed as a line across his chest.His gaze, a bit vain, was an arrow to the horizon.Her, she was looking straight to the eye, in this fatal, abyssal way.On her chest, a round red scar.Their embracing, heart to heart, would be generating perpetual sunrises and sunfalls. (xtina)

CHAPTER 1 _ LOSS

apolia

έκανα σύμβαση με τα μάτια μου.
οι πατούσες μου, μούλιασαν
χαλασμένα φράγματα, σικέ οδοφράγματα.
ένα ξεσκισμένο καλώδιο κρέμεται, λίγο κάτω από το γόνατο.
Κίνδυνος κανείς.
Ζωτικά ψέματα, είπε ο J.

Σε κοίταζα, απέναντι μου ξεφλουδισμένη από κάποια θάλασσα με δυο τρία κιλά παραπάνω το στήθος σου κρεμασμένο κάπως οι λευκές σου τρίχες λίγο πιο πολλές σφιγμένα χείλη πάλι και πλατιά γυαλιά ηλίου που τα έβγαλες μετά προφάσεις για ευγένεια φιλότιμες απλά
ο ήλιος χάραζε καινούργια σύνορα πάνω στο λαιμό σου και ανοιγόκλεινα τα βλέφαρα με απάθεια στο καφέ που κάποτε στα κλεφτά με κοίταζες σαν να ήμουνα η επόμενη επανάσταση

και μετά μόνος μπροστά σε κάποιο παράθυρο
έτσι ξαφνικά
το τέλος όρθωσε επιτέλους το ανάστημα του μπροστά μου
με μια κάποια ειλικρίνεια.
Και είπα. τώρα είναι. τώρα κατέβηκε στην καρδιά. τώρα γίνεται. τώρα τελειώνει.
και μούλιασαν οι πατούσες μου.

page87/the absurd hero

"...All that remains is a fate whose outcome alone is fatal. Outside of that single fatality of death, everything, joy or happiness, is liberty. A world remains of which man is the sole master. What bound him was the illusion of another world. The outcome of his thought , ceasing to be renunciatory, flowers in images. It frolics - in myths, to be sure, but myths with no other depth than that of human suffering and like it inexhaustible. Not the divine fable that amuses and blinds, but the terrestial face, gesture, and drama in which are summed up a difficult wisdom and an ephemeral passion. "

ostrichs with ankylosis

another random night. vein all out. tranquility but only for a little bit. quiet.

i. bound. this terrible condition. stiff. tight. motionless. passive.

you. yours. bound. stiff. tight.

and there is air. and its infinite qualities. say. breeze.