Friday, July 24, 2009

my other m

talking about actions creates the illusion of actually doing/ the dichotomy persists and it is bound to individual consciousness / the image of myself prevails over my real self/ the various images of my various roles i.e. the professional, the artist, the son, the partner, the lover are different to the actual roles/ the partner i would like to be and i could theorise for hours i should be, to the extent of preaching about it, or defending it blindly or violently arguing against anything else is actually different to my actual self and thus conflict is created/ is there a mathematical formula of the distance between perception of image of self over real self / does such distance correlates with the distance of other people in the various interactions of these roles of mine/ one or more / does awareness of the distance itself affects the distance / or some other process must begin /the most important question of all/perception of an ideal image –who would you like to be- is inevitable/does the continuous cultivation, nurturing and preservation of such image affect the actual self / can constant projection of this image eventually alter the self / or should the process be inverse

imagine now to try and tell your personal history only of actual events, your real events. without it was a time i felt i had to do this/without I was in love with S that is why i moved back to athens/ no explanations. mere facts. mere actions/ resist to all interpretations / resist to descriptions

i got up from bed, from the left side/ i walked about five steps out from the room/ turned left another three steps opened the door/ entered the toilet, (the daylight entered my eyes), i rubbed my eyes/ took the plane/landed in (rome)/ stayed in a hostel for two months/ moved to another flat/ lived with (an estonian animator) named M. and two romanian couples/ took the tram every day to go to college/met C. drank tea to the tea house off coliseum/went through trastevere on her scooter everynight except weekends/went to naples/ went to capri/ went to the office/ G. walked in the office/ he told me we would work together/ walked down north hill street/turned to plymouth ave/i went to cooperage/entered the (dungeon) gate/read the poster reading ozric tentacles/ (it was monday night)/ had e's and beer/ told A. i d'rather stay alone/ left the cooperage with A./ walked down to the sea by barbican/ i saw a sea gull eating a left over kebab/ and two guys making out/ A. pulled my arm away (as if she would like to take my attention away)/ I saw her pointing her finger to a window at a detached house overlooking the pier/she mouthed this is where i live/she asked me-why do you laugh/i heard my self replying something (i dont remember)/woke up/looked in the mirror /looked at the pier outside/(dark)/(the street was empty)/the lamp post was moving/i forced my fist to the window glass/ i saw blood coming out of index finger/i turned my head, some 30 degrees clockwise/raised my eyes/m. looking straight at my hand/m. approaching/f. breaking window left overs/put the key in ignition/ the fuel deposit feels warm in my legs/...

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